Saudade is the only Portuguese word without translation… it’s a non-translatable feeling. The closest translation would be “the joy of grief”

This word means a melancholy or nostalgic desire for a person, place or thing, that is far away, either space or time… A wave of nostalgia that sometimes dreams of phenomena that may not even exist.

Among other layers of meanings, Saudade can be a deep a painful soul sadness and emptiness , a void that can only be filled with memories.